I can think of plenty of kids that were studs at 10 and 11 that were burnt out and quit and main reason usually is dad.

Two weeks ago as I coached one of my kids and he won.. I saw that his opponents dad was pissed.. AS the boy shook my hand I asked him... " Did you give this match your best? " Boy said yes " Are you proud of how you wrestled?" Yes the kid answered.. " Than you did wonderful.. I told him. when he got to the dad he ripped in to his 9 year old. What dont the knuckle head dads get. Not only does your kid feel a little let down because he lost.. but now he has to hear that he let the most important man to him down as well. Let these little boys compete without the pressure of knowing if they lose they are made to feel like they failed.

Their was a study done of a hundred wrestlers and they were asked what was their favorite times and their worst times in wrestling.. Their favorites were the relationships that they had with freinds and big wins they had... and oddly enough most had a very similar answer for the worst times... THe ride home with dad was when they were torn apart because dad points out all the bad.

Ever thought about this.. When your son loses a match you decide to rip the match apart.. but you forget that he won the three matches after. Try pointing out all the positive and dont have a 20 min breifing about the lost matches.

this sport is great. But you dads out there that ridicule the refs and scream and shout at your boy when he loses.. Or even take it outside and put him on the wall while you tell him all that he did wrong.. you make the sport suck. I dont want to seem like I am pointing fingers.. I have made mistakes too... but try to change. As a dad myself I cant imagine seeing my 4 year old cry with out me there to embrace her.

I know you guys love your boys with all you have... but let this sport be a good memory to these young men. It doesnt matter if he is 8 or 18. If you were treated like this by your fathers try to remember how much you loved it.

your role in their life is so important...

The place to get to is where we are building up our sons, their opponents as well, and helping them to see the benefits of the sport so they can grow in the losses and rejoice in the rewards of victory. It is for them, the good and the bad, and we as fathers need to keep positive and point out the good in the losses as well as offer advice once the dust has settled. Not the 5 minutes after the loss, but later after they have dealt with it themselves and THEY are wanting to know what our thoughts are on that particular match.

I've been officiating since my son was born and couldn't wait until he started wrestling. He turned out in junior high and just wasn't all that good. But more than fearing a loss, he feared letting me down and disappointing me. I even officiated him once and I don't know which one of us struggled with it more. I knew his heart wasn't in wrestling and I told him it didn't matter to me if he wrestled. I was proud of him no matter what he did.

He quit wrestling. He joined the symphony and played the french horn. He went to med school and became a family doctor. He went back to school and became a sports medicine doctor. Today, he's the head doctor for the United States Army wrestling team. What a coincidence. He now invites me to join him and the team at matches and tournaments.

I think some of the harsh actions of parents towards there kids after losing will be counter productive long term....but that is there business, not mine.

A family unit is that, a family unit....busy bodies need to stay out of a families business.

On the other side of harsh action of parents, I have also seen the other side.

Parents reinforcing coninued losses, to where the kid accepts losses as no big deal.

I have seen kids turned into wimps by to much positive reinforcement after the loss....losing should not feel good.

I have seen kids where the parents continued to console the kid after losing, and the kid started to fake injuries to get attention as he got older and older.

I wanted my kids to learn from losing, but never get use to losing.

The right way is to focus on what went wrong, and what can be done to correct what went wrong.

No consoling, no hugging, just a focus on improvement.....but also no screaming or yelling, just a dialogue on what they think they did wrong, or right in the loss.....and move forward.

If he loses and learns, that is fine....but learning and improving is the key.

Just my take on the subject.

But rehashing every single little thing on the ride home is not productive. The kid feels bad enough for losing, and probablt know many of the things they did wrong. They know that they disappointed themselves and probably their parents (dad). But reliving everything right after the match may not be the best approach.

Did they go out there with the purpose of losing? Did they try to lose. No. They were trying to win, didn't work out this time.

It took me awhile to see this myself with my own kids. I currently coach my own son (and have coached my daughter in another sport). It was sometimes hard for us and I try to be a dad as well as a coach.

There is a difference. My dad was the one who released me to my coaches and trusted that my coaches were more capable to define and fix my mistakes than he was... which was easy for him cause he didnt wrestle. I know more coaches have this conversation than the dads knows. Let the coach do what he is supposed to do and coach your son and you be the encourager.

The hard part for children is knowing the difference in the type of interaction that is supposed to happen between the coach and then the interaction between the father. Those are two different relationships. It is tough sometimes because for many youngsters the dads have to help out the coach because of the amount of wrestlers the coaches cant get too.

I would encourage you dads that help to provide caoching when you are at the tournament but to end the coaching on the way home. Home is for home ,family is for family. Keep them seperate. For some of you out there there is no difference. This is the result of burnt out kids. They just want to get away from what causes all the frustration... its easier to quit the wrestling cause you cant quit the house.

And no I am not encouraging quitting. I am encouraging wrestling hard at practice, wrestle hard at matches... And perpare hard for both. Not to say that their is not some preparation that should go on at home but I think you guys know what I mean.

Holt had a great point. I know I have three kids in my club that I can think of that get beat most of the time due to the fact that they are physically weaker.
Now according to the dad... (that wont post his name.. hmmmm I wonder why..? )i should get that loss in to his head LOUD and clear. well I am curious. Who is your son... I am glad your proud of your parent/coaching. I wonder how your son feels.

Let me ask you sir.. If your son was a two time runner up... what were your feeilings be. I bet if AL roshau whos son tyler was a two time runner up and third in his senior year, would tell you that he is extremely proud of his kid and that when tyler got to the stands al's first statement wasnt ever what the heck, what are you doing... whats wrong with you.

Nah... but sounds like you would say something like that. Because that way your son would use that as fuel to go to college and win a national title. But the funny thing is when your son takes a second at nationals maybe you can tell him that it was a bad performance... so then he will have fuel to become a buisness man ... on and on.

Nobody is saying encourage losing, make it feel ok. No thats not it. You can teach him/her to work because you hate the feeling of losing and to have a serious attitude and to not except a loss. Great.. fine. But its the feeling that You give him that will last longer than just the next match. Be their for him, remind him that in your eyes he is the champion. Diet with him ... Go on runs with him. Help him wake up on time to get his morning workout in. thats all great. But the FAILURE isnt the focus.. his DEVELOPMENT BECAUSE of the FAILURE is the focus.

Thats what should drive you. And a dad is the perfect guy to help a young man focus on that.

I will end with this. I know many dads who are good men. They love their families dearly, they would kill for their son, they are loyal to our programs and clubs. This is just my take on the part that makes our jobs as coaches of your sons, the hardest. WE as caoches at times are embarrased that they have the wild dad in the club. Give us a break will yeah and relax a little.

one more thing... To those who have kids who maybe havent won a whole lot or won a state title,
take it from this two time never placer and four time non state champion.. their can be success after highschool if they dream and wrk hard.

As I look back on my sons wrestling career I have been proud of everything that he has accomplished. He has learned to work hard and enjoy and respect the sport itself. This will take him to the next level in wrestling and life itself.

As parents we need to realize that if they don't enjoy it at 11 they aren't going to be doing it in high school, and that is what it is all about.

The one thing that I have always believed in wrestling more than any other sport is that you have to learn how to lose as well as how to win.

I am sure that there have been moments when I have got on Tyler for a certain match, and I am not proud of that. The one thing that I have learned is that you need to be supportive in the losses as well as the victories.

Last year, his Senior season, Tyler had more than his share of physical problems. Things weren't going the way that he had planned for his senior season injury wise. He was never 100% throughout the season but went on the best he could. During his Quarter final match he lost a close one that I feel he should have won, as did he. I felt that maybe he overlooked that match looking for a rematch with Johnson. When he came into the stands I knew that he was devastated by the defeat and I was concerned that he was going to be one of those that doesn't come back and just throw in the towel. We had a little talk about what things meant not only for him but his team and he went on and redeemed himself by beating that same kid he lost to 5-0 for third place.

For this I am probably more proud of than anything he has accomplished.